Posted by: gayleegayle | May 3, 2010

Fear-The Killer of All Dreams




     We all have our own fear triggers.  For me, the one that stands out most in my mind is fear of flying.

     It would begin with the booking of the flight.  Each day leading up to the trip, the nervousness would always be present.   By the day of the flight, I was inconsolable.  To look at me, you wouldn’t know how I was feeling, but in my mind a war was being raged.  I had to mentally wrestle myself to the ground to keep from bolting from the airport or at the very least cancelling my trip.

     After boarding the flight, I would literally feel sick, my insides churning with acid.  Something that began as an idea in my mind became physically real creating nausea, diarrhea and headaches.   The resulting illness would sometimes continue for days after I landed because now I am focused on the flight home.   

     One day I realized how ridiculous this entire scene was.   I asked myself why I didn’t have that reaction when I was walking on the street or riding in a car where the potential for danger was much greater.  I knew then that this level of anxiety was neither normal nor rational and it certainly wasn’t helping.  I also realized that it was going to be the death of me if I didn’t get it under control.

     Fear kills dreams too.  It alters your decisions and convinces you that you shouldn’t or can’t do something.  It lowers your belief in yourself.  An acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  This is such an appropriate definition because unless you are being chased or in some kind of danger, there is no need for fear. 

     Recognize that your objections to doing many things in your life may be fear talking.  Take an intelligent approach and write out the benefits as well as the risks.  Focus on those benefits and the greatest possible outcomes.   

     For me, seeing my family whenever I want or traveling to tropical islands is a great motivator.  If I feel anxious on the plane, I envision what I am going to be doing when I get to my destination like enjoying my family, or the beauty and warmth of the island.

     Add a few breathing techniques to your coping skills.  I often use this when flying.  I also bring my Ipod along because music soothes me and I watch movies when they are available.

     Do not beat yourself up because you are afraid to do something.  Treat yourself like a good friend with patient understanding and loving care.  Try many different solutions until you find something that works.  You and your goal are well worth the effort because achieving this goal could mean a richer more meaningful life.

     I still have some level of fear during the process of flying, but because I take care of myself throughout the process, the fear no longer controls me.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
— Frank Herbert, Dune – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear



  1. Gayle,

    What a wonderful blog! pls. keep me posted!


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